3 1/2 cups large elbow macaroni

12 ounces Velveeta cheese, cut into 1-inch squares

10 ounces white Vermont cheddar cheese, cut into 1-inch squares

15 ounces Gruyere cheese, shredded

1 to 2 cups Jack and cheddar cheese (combined), shredded

4 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature

2/3 cup sour cream

1 1/3 cups heavy cream

1 1/3 cups half-and-half

1 egg

2 2/3 tablespoons flour

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon dry mustard

1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg (fresh if you have it)

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/8 teaspoon pepper

A pinch of paprika

1 tablespoon fresh chives, for garnish

 

Hit it: Smile. Know that you are about to prepare the best mac and cheese ever!  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 13×9-inch nonstick metal baking pan with 2 tablespoons of butter. Prepare the macaroni according to package directions, but make sure it’s al dente. (Huh? It should still be a little firm.) Be sure to add a pinch of salt and a dash of olive oil to the boiling water while cooking. Drain pasta well and pour into the baking pan.  In a large mixing bowl, add the heavy cream, half-and-half and sour cream; break up the cream cheese into little bits with your (clean!) fingers as you add it to the bowl. Add the eggs, flour, Worcestershire sauce, garlic and onion powder, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Combine very well with a wire whisk to break up the cream cheese. It will look lumpy, but that’s OK.  Starting at the corners of the pasta dish, place and push down the Velveeta and white Vermont cheddar cubes. Work your way around and toward the middle (they won’t push down completely, but just smoosh them down a bit). Now, sprinkle the fabulous Gruyere cheese evenly over the top – gently and evenly pour the artery-clogging mixture on it, covering all areas. Gently shake the pan afterwards for a second to make sure the liquid is even. I know it sounds gross, but push down and make little holes into areas of the mixture with your fingers. (You’re just getting some of that Gruyere down deeper below the surface, and bringing some of that liquid up to the surface.) Wash your hands!  Sprinkle the jack-and-cheddar combo over this mixture and sprinkle the paprika on top. Put this baby in the oven (make sure your oven rack is right in the middle) and bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until it starts to get brownish and bubbly all over. It will be creamy in the center and more crusty on the top and edges. Chop some fresh chives and get those taste buds ready. When it’s done, garnish with the chives (but try not to eat part of the crusty top before you serve it. I’m watching you!).   Get out of town! This is actually a one-way ticket to paradise. Serves 10.