The Mom I Want to Be

 

2 pieces of construction paper (the thicker the better)

Scissors

A hole punch

A push-pin

A pencil with an eraser

Markers or crayons       

 

Start by making two square pieces of paper. To start making a square, put the two pieces of paper together. Fold a bottom corner all the way up across to form a triangle with 3 equal sides.  To finish making the squares, cut off the small rectangles of paper left at the top above the fold, forming two squares (which are already folded into a triangle). Fold the triangle in half, creasing the paper into quarters. Unfold the paper. Decorate one side of each sheet of paper in patriotic fashion, try stars and stripes, in flag colors, etc. Put the undecorated sides of the paper together.   Make four cuts along the fold lines – about halfway to the center. Punch four holes in the pinwheel, one at each corner. Gently gather each of the four points (with a hole) to the center. (Be careful not to crease the paper.)  Push a push-pin through the four punched holes through the center of the pinwheel to attach the pinwheel to the side of a pencil’s eraser.

Celebrate Independance Day this year by making a sweet little Handprint American Flag! You’ll need a few supplies before you begin:

 

red, white and blue paint

blue construction paper

paint brushes

popsicle stick

small star stickers

glue stick

scissors/paper cutter

hole punch

thin ribbon in red, white, or blue

 

 

Paint the palm of your child’s hand blue and the fingers (not the thumb) red and white alternately (as shown in the photo).  Place your child’s hand, palm and fingers down, onto the construction paper and let dry. Using scissors or a paper cutter, cut the construction paper to fit the handprint. Have your child help you apply mini star stickers to the palm area. Using a glue stick, have them apply glue to the top half of the popsicle stick (leaving room for little hands to grab the flag. Punch a hole in the upper left corner of the flag, and string whatever combo of the thin ribbon you wish. Tie the ribbon off and you are ready to celebrate!

An environment that encourages exploration and physical development is important for children of all ages. Be sure to allow your baby plenty of space for rolling, scooting and, eventually, crawling. Babies like to grasp and manipulate objects, so be sure you have rattles and other safe toys within easy reach. Make it a habit to wash the toys your baby puts in her mouth on a daily basis. Babies love to look at and reach for moving objects such as mobiles or streamers. Be sure to hang them safely.

 

Large Motor Skills
Play allows children to try out and practice new skills. Your children need opportunities to develop upper body strength by rolling balls and throwing bean bags, and later by pulling themselves up, hanging, and swinging. They need opportunities to strengthen their lower bodies by running, jumping and balancing. Encourage your children to try a variety of physical activities, involving large- and small-muscle skills, but try not to pressure or demand that they excel at every physical task. Remember that children need lots of time and space for energetic, noisy play.

 

Fine-Motor Skills
Using crayons, stringing beads, and doing puzzles are all good ways to help children develop fine-motor skills and eye-hand coordination. These kinds of activities can be tiring for young children, so don’t expect them to work at such skills for long stretches.

 

Developing All Five Senses
Hands-on activities allow children to develop all their senses: sight, touch, hearing, smell, and taste. Encourage them to compare the way different objects look, sound, feel, or smell. As they grow, introduce new foods so they get used to a variety of tastes.

 

Safety Guidelines
As your children become more physically active, it can be difficult to draw the line between taking sensible safety precautions and being overprotective. The goal is to maintain a high level of safety while allowing your children to experiment with mild risks that build feelings of competence as they are met and mastered. As your child grows, experience will be your guide. A basic safety guideline is to avoid lifting your child onto play equipment that he cannot climb onto by himself. (Swings are the exception.) Playgrounds should have soft surfaces (such as sand or rubber) to buffer falls.

 

Illness and Infection
Be sure that your children’s immunizations are up to date. Keep contagious children at home. Hand-washing is the single most effective way to avoid spreading disease. Children and adults should get used to washing hands before handling food and after diapering, toileting, or blowing their noses.

 

Things to Remember

ï‚· When you are in the car, all young children should ride in the back seat. Use safety seats for infants and toddlers, and seat belts for children over 4 years old.

ï‚· Give your children the chance to try new activities while keeping an eye out for situations that seem dangerous to you.

ï‚· Try to give your children enough time to follow through with their ideas. For example, let them think about how their fort will look, gather the materials, build it and then play in it once it’s built!

ï‚· Help your children learn how to relax by spending time listening to quiet music or dancing to different kinds of music. Playing in water, sand or mud is also a great way to help children relax.

ï‚· Give your children the chance to use all of their senses. For example, let them handle flour or cookie dough when you are baking, encourage them to smell the lemon juice or vinegar when you are cooking, play different kinds of music and talk about what kinds of instruments they hear.

ï‚· Children need to be hugged, held or rocked every day, many times a day! These signs of affection give them needed comfort and reassurance.

 

Things to Avoid

ï‚· Avoid sending your child to school or to play with other children when they are sick. Make other arrangements for child care when your child is sick and you have to go to work.

ï‚· Don’t store cleaning materials where children can get to them. Keep all dangerous materials on high shelves or in childproof cabinets.

ï‚· Avoid situations when your child has to sit still for long periods of time.

ï‚· Try to avoid providing activities for your child that are too difficult and frustrating. For example, a puzzle with many small pieces is too hard for a 2 year old. If your child is having a hard time cutting with scissors, help her by holding the paper while teaching her the best way to hold the scissors.

 

Try this at Home

 

1. Find opportunities to observe your child in order to find out about what he is learning to do and what he may be ready to try next. How can you challenge him to try something a little harder?

2. Try to build different sensory experiences into your everyday life with your children. While riding to school or to the grocery store, ask your children to name the different sounds they hear. While in the bathroom or kitchen, encourage your children to smell the soaps, perfumes, shaving creams or foods and tell you about how they smell. When walking outside, try touching the leaves, grass, cement, stones, wood or brick and talk with your children about how these things feel when they touch them.

3. Try some creative movement activities with your children. Suggest that they pretend to be a car, truck, train, plane, wind-up toy, rag doll, dog or cat. See what ideas they have and how they move or sound like different things or animals.

4. Turn on the radio and spend time dancing with your children to different kinds of music. See what kinds of movements you and your children can come up with that follow the rhythm of the music

 

It takes a lot of patience combined with good judgment and warm, nurturing relationships to raise emotionally healthy, comfortable and cheerful children. But no matter what you do, your children are still going to feel sad, afraid, anxious, and angry from time to time. Your challenge, as a parent, is to learn how to help your children cope with their feelings and express them in socially acceptable ways that don’t harm others and that are appropriate to their age and abilities.

 

 

Importance of Trust
The most important factor in fostering mental health in your child is the quality of the relationship you have with her. Without the presence of trust in this relationship, it’s impossible for your child to feel safe, close, or comfortable. Trust has its roots in infancy, when babies gain confidence that they can depend on adults around them to meet their basic needs. From your baby’s perspective, reasonably prompt and consistent care is an essential ingredient in developing trust. When her needs are responded to, your baby develops trust and confidence, and feels valued and important.

It’s also important to maintain that trustful feeling as your child continues to grow. One of the easiest ways to build trust is by maintaining an orderly routine throughout the day so your child can predict what’s going to happen next. Consistent rules that your child understands also add to his sense of trust. Adults who maintain their self-control encourage children to trust them. Then children can predict what their responses will be and this breeds confidence in the relationship. It’s also important for rules and tasks to be appropriate for the child’s age and abilities.

Trust between you and your child’s other caregivers is also essential. This connection is important for all children, but especially for children with disabilities.

 

Choices and Limits
The toddler’s drive toward independence and self-assertion is an important stage of emotional development. Maintain limits when necessary and independence when it’s possible. Avoid confrontations when you can, insist on doing things your way when necessary, and provide as many choices for your child as possible. There are many choices that you can offer, but they are limited choices: not “do you want to put on a sweatshirt?” but “which sweatshirt?” not “do you want any vegetables on your plate?” but “do you want carrots or beans?” You can also give your children choices about their play and activities. When children are expected to choose for themselves what they want to do, they have endless opportunities for making decisions.

Older children of 4 or 5 years need to reach out to the world around them, to be a part of and connected to the group. Try to encourage children of this age to think things up and try things out. It’s important for them to feel the emotional satisfaction that comes from experiences of exploring, acting and doing new things together with friends.

When children don’t have opportunities to make choices, endless struggles result with a spirited child and a loss of self-confidence in less spirited children. But not everything is a choice and sometimes the answer is “no.” Learning how to cope with disappointments, delays, and setbacks is also a critical part of developing a healthy, balanced mental attitude. Try to reduce the level and frequency of disappointments and frustrations in order to avoid unnecessary battles.

 

Feel What You Want, Control What You Do
One of the most valuable skills you can teach your children is how to express strong emotions without hurting themselves, others, or damaging property. Help your children learn to feel what they want, but control what they do. Begin by communicating to your child in a non-judgmental way, showing him you understand how he feels. Encourage your child to say his feelings out loud and to tell the other person how he feels. If the child’s too young or inexperienced to know what to say, model a simple sentence for him to copy. The important thing to remember is that the same rule applies to you: feel what you want, but control what you do.

 

Hallmarks of Emotional Health
Here are some ways that can help you decide if your child is doing all right:

Is your child working on emotional tasks that are appropriate for her age and ability? For example, if she’s two and a half, is she asserting herself from time to time?

Is your child able to separate from you without undue stress and form an attachment with at least one other adult?

Is your child learning to conform to routines at school without too much trouble?

Is your child able to involve himself deeply in play?

Can your child settle down and concentrate?

Is your child aware of all her feelings and can she express them without harming herself or others?

 

Things to Remember

 

  It is very important for your children to learn how to openly acknowledge their feelings.

  In conflicts, it is vital that your children learn how to describe what they feel like doing, using their words instead of actions.

  Try to really listen to your children. Get down to their level to let them know you are listening. This communicates respect, warmth and empathy. It tells your children they are important.

  Encourage your children to explore, make decisions and attempt challenging projects.

  Children’s needs are immediate, intense and personal. The longer you keep your children waiting, the more irritable they become.

  Play is a very important way for children to learn to understand and express their feelings.

 

Things to Avoid

  Avoid misrepresenting your feelings to your child; for example, saying, “I’m not angry, just worried you’ll hurt yourself,” when you are really angry!

  Try not to make a lot of demands on a tired or hungry child.

  Avoid name-calling, blaming or yelling. It’s better to calm down for a few minutes, think about what you want to say to your child, then simply and calmly say how you are feeling.

 

Try This at Home

 

1. Notice the types of activities in which your children become engaged. Think of related and challenging activities that you could do with your child. Can you think of any experiments or exploration you could engage in together?

2. The next time your child gets into a fight or argument with another child, try to help both children express their negative emotions and say what they feel like doing to the other child, instead of doing it. Give the children the opportunity to find a way to resolve the dispute instead of deciding yourself how they can make amends.

3. Work on “active listening” with your child by sitting down and looking at her when she is talking. Pay attention to your reaction. If you find yourself judging what your child says, try to stop yourself and rephrase your comments.

4. Set up a pretend school environment at your kitchen table and encourage your child to be one of his teachers or one of his classmates. Ask questions that help your child consider different scenarios or activities that could occur at school and how teachers and children would react. If you have more than one child, encourage them to change roles with each other.

 

Childhood is a time for children to learn about the world-and that includes learning how to get along with others. Parents play a crucial role in helping children figure out how to form satisfying relationships and develop into socially competent people. Social competence allows children to be cooperative and generous, express their feelings, and empathize with others.

 

Modeling Behavior
Modeling the behavior you want to encourage is the best way to help children develop socially. Every time you say “please” or lend a helping hand, you are showing your children how you would like them to act. Ask for your children’s help with daily tasks, and accept their offers of help. Look for the things your children are doing right and find opportunities to comment on them. Praise can reinforce good behavior, but it is equally important to help children recognize the sense of satisfaction that comes from within when they act on a generous impulse or get along well with others.

 

Sharing from the Heart
Good feelings about oneself and others is the root of social competency. Try to create a climate of kindness and generosity so that your children can help each other and begin to take responsibility for each other naturally. In this way they will begin to share “from the heart”-not just because you want them to.

Talk with your children about being generous with each other. Point out that sharing and being considerate of feelings makes other people feel happy and makes them feel good too. You can encourage acts of generosity throughout the day and be generous yourself by providing enough satisfying experiences and materials for your children. In group settings, try to let young children use toys and materials until they feel ready to pass them on to someone else. Point out when a playmate has waited a long time to have a turn. Reward generous acts with words of praise.

Empathy, the ability to imagine what another person is feeling, is a very important concept for children to understand. You can foster empathy by talking about your own feelings (“That story made me sad”); helping children express their own feelings (“How did you feel when it started to rain and we had to leave the park?”); and encouraging them to listen to other people’s feelings (“Let’s ask Sonia how she felt when Sparky got lost.”) Responding to the needs of children who have disabilities provides excellent opportunities for children to share from the heart. Keep in mind that the kindest thing children can do is to simply include others in their play.

 

Fairness
Children know from their own experiences that words can hurt, and that name-calling, teasing, or excluding others affects how people feel. Children want to be treated fairly, but they don’t always understand how to treat others the same way. One way to teach fairness is to explain a rule to your child, pointing out that it applies to him as well as to others.

Children have the right to have their feelings and choices respected and you can model this throughout the day. Be sure to acknowledge and respect your child’s feelings, never insisting that she stop crying if she is sad or say she’s sorry when she isn’t. At the same time, you can help her understand what may have gone wrong in the situation.

 

Cooperation Versus Competition
Provide plenty of opportunities for children to play together cooperatively. Play is one of the most important ways children learn how to relate to other people. As they play, young children will find cooperation less frustrating and more satisfying than competition. When children compete, only one person or team wins; everyone else loses. Children will have plenty of opportunities to express their competitive spirit later on.

You can help your children learn problem-solving skills that can be used in challenging social situations. As they interact with siblings and other peers, children can be helped to negotiate, “bargain,” and compromise with each other. Most children love it when an adult has a problem and everyone is encouraged to pitch in their ideas and help solve it.

 

Things to Remember

·  Teach your children how to understand how another person feels. For example, if you see a child crying at the playground, you could say, “Remember the time you got sand in your eyes and it hurt? That’s how that little boy feels.”

·  Encourage your child to help each other rather than hurrying to help them yourself.

·  Help your children discover the pleasures of friendship. Talk about how important friends are with your children. Encourage your children to include children with disabilities and children from different ethnic groups in their circle of friends.

Things to Avoid

·  Don’t allow your children to say unkind of hurtful things to other children. Don’t permit hitting, pushing or yelling at other children.

·  Avoid telling your child to “stop it” or yelling “no” from across the room or playground without taking time to discuss feelings and how to get along with others in a cooperative, friendly way.

 

Try This at Home

 

1. Make a point to comment on the pleasure you notice your children experiencing when they are being kind to each other, sharing a toy or helping someone do something.

2. Encourage role playing and pretend play to help your children understand how other people might feel. For example, consider the new child in the neighborhood or a child at school with a disability. You can remind your children of a time when they may have felt a similar way so they can relate to another’s feelings.

3. Encourage your child to develop a building project that is large enough for two or more children to work on together. Blocks, boxes and/or sheets can be used. Help children to make decisions together about design and construction. Be sure that the children understand the contributions that they all made to the project.

4. Give your child the opportunity to cooperate on a work project together with you, a sibling or a friend. For example, clean up a room, shovel snow or wash outdoor play equipment. Put on music or sing songs while you work. Having chores that two people can do together (dust pan and broom, hose and sponge) increases the enjoyment and the satisfaction!

Every parent hopes that their children are developing a positive sense of self-worth. How your children feel about themselves is one of your greatest responsibilities and biggest challenges. People who have a positive sense of self feel like they have something worthwhile to contribute and a sense of internal worth. They are able to venture out into the world, work toward attaining their goals, and welcome life with anticipation and pleasure.

This self-concept develops very early in life. From the very beginning, a baby learns from how people respond to her and how people see her. By about 18 months of age, a child has a clear notion that she has a separate and specific identity. You can assist your baby in feeling good about herself by recognizing the unique qualities that she possesses. It’s important to pay attention to your baby’s temperamental pattern so that your expectations fit her personality.

Children who have self-confidence have a feeling of internal worth that enables them to welcome challenges and work cooperatively with others. When children don’t develop self-confidence, they tend to focus on failure instead of success, problems instead of challenges, and difficulties instead of possibilities. There is no single way to enhance self-esteem, but one way is to show children “unconditional positive regard.” Let your children know that you care about them, accept them, and approve of them, no matter what. Your challenge is to accept your child as a person, even when you do not accept his behavior.

 

 Honest Recognition and Praise
Honest recognition and sincere praise come from the heart and draw attention to something specific the child has done. Sometimes we spend so much time exclaiming, “Good job!” that it comes to have little meaning for children. Better to be more specific with remarks like “You worked so hard building that block tower!” or “Thank you for helping Raul pick up the paints.”

Self-worth is such a private, internal feeling, your comments will have the most impact when they deal with who your child is and how she sees herself from the inside. When you praise your children, try to do it in a way that heightens their sense of inner satisfaction. Praise is an external source of esteem, which is helpful but not nearly as valuable and effective as internal sources that come from a sense of competence.

 

Respect
Respect is another key component in reinforcing your child’s self-worth. There are several ways you can show respect for your children. You can offer them choices when appropriate, then respect and abide by their decisions. Showing confidence in your child’s ability to make decisions helps build his self-esteem. Another way to show respect towards children is to explain the reasons behind the rules or adult decisions. Avoid talking about children in front of them unless they are included in the conversation.

 

Competence
The most effective thing you can do to help your children feel a sense of self-worth is to help them achieve competence or an internal feeling of mastery or control. Every time your child does something well, she feels competent because of what she did, not because of what someone said. Here are six practical ways to help your children gain competence:

Encourage your children to make their own choices and be as independent as possible.

Provide many different experiences and activities for your children to experience success.

Provide opportunities that are challenging but not too difficult or frustrating. When developing new skills, children need to practice and try things out over and over again.

Encourage a diverse range of skills for both girls and boys. Avoid reinforcing stereotypical ideas of what is appropriate play. Pay attention to allowing and encouraging equal access to activities and skills.

Offer many creative activities where your children can explore the process of creation and the expression of their ideas and feelings.

Offer your children as many opportunities as possible for interacting and playing with other children and help them to figure out strategies for getting along with them.

 

Things to Remember

·  Give your children opportunities to learn different types of skills through activities that are challenging. Activities such as puzzles, sewing, swinging and ring toss help children feel successful and competent.

·  Pay attention to how your child feels when she has accomplished something. Say something like, “You’ve been working so hard on that puzzle. How does it feel to finish it all by yourself?”

·  Creative activities such as clay and dance help children feel competent by allowing them to use their own ideas to create something or express themselves in a way that is uniquely theirs.

·  Children need lots of encouragement, especially when they are not successful. For example, you might say, “It takes a lot of practice to learn how to swing without anyone pushing. Every day, you’ll get a little better.”

 

Things to Avoid

·  Avoid using comparison and competition to motivate good behavior. It’s better to encourage your child by commenting positively on his progress. For example, “You’re pouring better every time you try!”

·  Try not to help your child too much when she’s trying something new. Give her a chance to try out her ideas and do things for herself.

·  Avoid talking about your child in a negative way in his presence. This can hurt his feelings and make him think he’s not important enough to be included in the conversation.

·  Try not to discipline your child in front of other people. It’s better to do so in private.

 

Try This at Home

 

1. Pay attention to the way you respond to your child’s accomplishments. What can you say that emphasizes her effort and how she feels about what she has done?

2. Try to ask your child’s opinion as often as possible. Note how he responds and be sure to listen and value his response.

3. Think of a cooking or baking project for your family to do together. Ask your children to work together to assemble the ingredients, measure the amounts, clean up and serve the food you prepared. Be sure to give your children choices about what you make and allow them to do as much of the work as possible. Give them specific praise and encouragement while guiding them through the stages and skills necessary to complete this project.

4. Think of a clean-up project around your home or yard and make it a family project. Let your children make decisions about what they would like to contribute to the effort and their plans for the area. Encourage cooperative activity. For example, let two people use a broom and a dust pan or ask one person to dig with a shovel while another plants seeds or flowers. Be sure to emphasize the satisfaction of accomplishing something together.

 

We have lots of fun designing outfits for Barbie. She looks great in just about anything, including an old sock. We make use of the basket of single socks (the ones that have survived the washing machine), most of which are small with nice designs and colors. We cut off the foot of the sock, cut armholes in the sides, and slide them over Barbie’s head. You can cut the socks in different ways for different fashions. Get creative by adding belts, fringe, headbands, and hats for that special Barbie flair

 

Each summer my children build a city by painting and cutting and pasting empty cereal and shoe boxes. We have also used empty plastic containers and the centers from paper towel rolls. The kids work on it as the mood strikes them. The people and animals are made from clothespins, small plastic bottles, or clay. Flowers and trees are created the same way. At the end of summer we take a picture of their masterpiece and dismantle it so they can start anew. They have made jungles, igloos, Ewok villages — all out of household junk.