The Mom I Want to Be

 

During this busy time, your toddler begins to express and assert his own opinions and feelings.

 

The hallmark of this period is the birth of the self — the awareness of “me” versus “not me.” At the same time, your child’s growth and the integration of her abilities will soar during this six months. Parents are astounded at the changes and amazed at how each augments the others.

All this growth is manifested in two powerful ways. First, children move to a new level of exploration, one that uses their new skills and powers. Second, their newfound independence gives rise to negativism — a child’s first way to assert that his opinions, feelings, wants, and needs are different from yours.

 

Appearance
The most visible change will be the transformation from “baby” to “child.” The rounded, chubby, baby-fat laden body of infancy gives way as limbs lengthen and gain muscle tone, and facial features come into focus. Your toddler will have more control over his facial expressions and will be better able to convey his moods — so your job of reading his cues will get easier.

 

Physical Coordination and Skills
Your walking, but probably still wobbly, 18-month-old will become much more physically coordinated as her second birthday approaches. Her energy seems limitless, and she’ll use it for more daring exploits, often at warp speed. Her fine motor skills, along with hand-eye coordination, improve greatly. As a result, she becomes more competent and independent in play, discovery, and self-help activities, such as dressing, eating, and bathing. Competence in these areas, in turn, fuels growing independence.

 

Cognitive Development

Imagination and make-believe are the big newcomers. But all other aspects of cognitive growth move ahead full throttle as well, especially short-term memory. Your toddler learns that she can find hidden objects, including people. This ability opens up a whole new world of play in the many forms of hide-and-seek.

 

Thinking and reasoning improve dramatically, as your toddler learns to think through a plan of action or a way to tackle a challenge. Exploration moves up a level as he is no longer content merely to find out what things are like. Now he wants to learn what things do, what he can make them do, and what skills he can practice on them. He will learn to use objects more efficiently in pursuit of his goals. With better memory and powers of concentration he will be able to work on projects or activities longer, even come back to them later to “finish.”

 

He also learns to sort, categorize, and classify things by their attributes — shape and color, big and little, loud and quiet, soft and hard. He will make increasingly interesting links among the objects, people, and events in his life as he finds out how things are like and unlike each other. He will learn that, once a thing has a physical property, it tends not to change. For example, blocks stay the same shape.

 

This discovery has emotional implications, as he begins to rely on constancy in his world. He will increasingly count on people to stay the same, too. This is the basis for profound growth in his relationships as he expects people to act a certain way. It is also the basis for his growing ability to foresee the results of his actions.

 

At the most sophisticated level, he is beginning to understand concepts, to deal with abstractions, and to understand that other people have different perspectives about how things are and ought to be.

 

Language
This period is typically marked by phenomenal growth in language, as your toddler graduates from simple phrases to short sentences and experiences an explosive growth in vocabulary. Her speech literally can’t keep up with her growth. Most children at this age understand five times the number of words they actually speak.

However, language growth varies widely. Many children talk much later. Some will develop new words only to lose some others, while others plateau for months, showing no visible change. If your child is in any of these categories, rest assured that, within the wide range of normal, there is little correlation between language development and intelligence. Later talkers are generally just absorbed with building other skills.

 

Social Skills
Your child will show big gains in inner awareness and socialization skills. Imitation, especially of adults and older children, is a hallmark of this period. Besides teaching him new behaviors and skills, imitation also fosters a growing awareness that other people have different perspectives.

Your child is now fully aware of himself as a separate being, laying the groundwork for new levels of socialization and play with others. Just as he distinguishes himself from others, he will distinguish “his” from “not his.” This is when “me” and “mine” become key words.

As he uses objects more efficiently, he will learn to use people as effective resources. He will increasingly look to others for help when something is beyond his ability — a key step in sharing and developing cooperative behavior.

 

Emotional Growth
Emotions during the 18- to 24-month period are shaped largely by your child’s growing independence. She will want to do things by herself and will not appreciate those who get in herway.

She will struggle emotionally as she learns to cope with the pull toward the safety of her parents and the magnetic fascinations of the outside world. You will see this as she begins to practice being out of your eyesight for longer periods of time and at increasing distances. This is a sign of growth and a necessary testing of limits. As she tries to run away from you, she is reassuring herself that, no matter how fast or far she goes, she cannot get beyond the reach of the safety net you provide.

With your guidance, your toddler will increasingly be able to express a full range of emotions appropriately during this period. She will show pride in her achievements, embarrassment at her mistakes, and shame when her behavior is inappropriate. It is important for you to support appropriate expression of all emotions.

At this age, her wish to please and fear of damaging your love are paramount. These attributes can be a big help to parenting if you use them wisely.