The Mom I Want to Be

As your child grows, she becomes more sophisticated in noticing and classifying the people she encounters every day.

 At 2 to 3 years old, she may:

•  notice and ask about other people’s physical characteristics, although she is still more interested in her own
• notice other children’s specific cultural acts: Elena speaks differently from me; Mei eats with chopsticks
• exhibit fears about skin color differences and physical disabilities

At 4, he may:

• show more interest in how he is like and different from other children; construct “theories” about what causes physical and cultural differences
• begin to classify people into groups by physical characteristics (same gender, same color, same eye shape)
• be confused about the meaning of adult categories for what “goes together.” For example, how can a light-skinned child have a dark-skinned parent? Why are children called “black” when their skin isn’t black?
• show influence of societal norms in his interactions with others (“Girls can’t do this; boys can”)

At 5, she may:

• show an awareness of additional characteristics, such as socioeconomic class and age
• demonstrate heightened awareness of themselves and others as members of a family, as well as curiosity about how families of other children and teachers live: How can Sara have two mommies?
• continue to construct theories to classify or explain differences among classmates
• continue to absorb and use stereotypes to define others, and to tease or reject other children

At 6, he may:

• have absorbed much of his family’s classification systems for people, but still get confused about why specific people are put into one or another category by adults
• use prevailing biases, based on aspects of identity, against other children
• begin to understand that others also have ethnic identities and that there are various lifestyles, as they come to understand their own emerging group identity