{"id":503,"date":"2009-06-25T10:06:42","date_gmt":"2009-06-25T17:06:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pcgirl.net\/mom\/?p=503"},"modified":"2009-11-27T15:02:21","modified_gmt":"2009-11-27T22:02:21","slug":"setting-limits-helping-children-learn-self-regulation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pcgirl.net\/mom\/?p=503","title":{"rendered":"Setting Limits: Helping Children Learn Self-Regulation"},"content":{"rendered":"

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By setting limits for children, you help them learn self-regulation, that is, how to set limits for themselves. The process of learning self-regulation and self-control begins in infancy, as babies begin to develop a sense of self. You can help by noticing your baby’s cues and signals, providing responsive care, and making sure she has secure attachments to the other adults who care for her. From the start, set clear limits and provide simple explanations (“No biting. That hurts mommy.”) As your baby grows, try to be consistent as you express expectations and set rules or consequences. The goal is to guide children and set limits so that they feel supported and valued, not judged and rejected. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Learning to Deal with Frustration<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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The process of learning self-control is linked very closely with how a child feels about herself and the frustrations that are part of day-to-day life. Children need help and practice building their frustration tolerance. One of the best ways to make this happen is to provide opportunities for children to make their own choices and decisions. Helping them stick to decisions can be difficult, but it is important for children to experience the consequences of their choices (at least some of the time.) Similarly, when you give young child a choice, honor their decision. Of course, not everything can be a choice and not everything is negotiable. Children should not be allowed to hurt themselves or other people (verbally or physically) or to destroy property. They cannot dominate every family interaction. Sometimes adults have to say “no.”<\/p>\n

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Aggressive Behavior<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n


\nPhysical aggression (biting, pushing, hitting, throwing) is very common in the early years. Very often, episodes of aggression can be prevented before they begin. Anticipation is always helpful and relieves stress for adults and young children alike. When possible, alert children before transitions, such as the end of playtime, leaving an outing, or the arrival or departure of guests. Rewarding desired behavior will help children learn what is expected of them. When trouble repeats itself, analyze the situation and make changes that get to the root of the problem: next time, go to the library after lunch, or let the twins each pick a friend to invite over to play. Have as few rules as possible, but make the ones you do have stick. Be persistent because it often takes repeated experience for learning to take place. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Taking Action<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n


\nWhen young children play together, moods can shift quickly, and tension can quickly build or resolve. Over time, parents want to teach children how to solve their own problems. But when is it best to get involved, and when should children be allowed to handle the situation themselves? Ask yourself: If this continues, what is the likelihood that someone will get hurt or something will be damaged? If trouble is really brewing, be decisive. Take action before your child does.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, children don’t always stop hitting, grabbing or throwing simply because we ask them to. In these cases, these steps may help:<\/p>\n